TRUST IN YOU

When the Lord is trying to get an important point across, He seems to spare no measures.

The first time I heard Lauren Daigle's new song, "Trust In You", I fell in love with it. In fact, it brought tears to my eyes because it hit so close to home. 

When You don't move the mountains

I'm needing You to move

When You don't part the waters

I wish I could walk through

When You don't give the answers

As I cry out to You

I will trust, I will trust

I will trust in You

    

There were three things I was earnestly praying for. A relationship/family situation that felt as impossible as a mountain that can only be moved by God. A new path that I am sure the Lord has put in my heart to pursue but the process of getting there requires new doors to be open - God will have to part the waters. And finally, a health issue that has made me cry out for deliverance. While I sang 'I will trust in You", sometimes, I still wonder if I am truly putting all my trust in Him or still praying for things to turn out the way I want to. 

Last Friday, I got rear-ended in traffic. I was not hurt and the back bumper suffered only minor damage. Thankfully, the other party had insurance. Apparently 50% of drivers in Hawaii don't have insurance so I was very happy that this lady did. And my insurance company said they will not fault me. I was talking to my ex-in-laws and said "I wonder why this happened. The Lord must want me to know that He is taking care of me." I knew that already, I thought but did I really, fully believe that.  

At the same time, my devotion the last few weeks have been on the topic of 'Trust'. This Sunday, one word stuck out: 'Commit'. We are to commit ourselves, our soul, our way, our task, our work and our burden on Him. 

On the same day, the pastor talks about the faithfulness of God. Even Christians go through difficult times. Look at the prophets. Jeremiah was so angry he wanted to stop being a prophet. Job was so faithful but lost everything but yet he never abandoned his faith. How many of us are going through difficult times silently? Yep, me, I thought.

Little did I know (though I should have known) He was preparing me for Monday morning. The bit of news I received was devastating. While I knew that it could have been the case, having it come from a professional knowledgeable about it spins a different dimension and reality starts to set in. So this is what You have been preparing me for. 

Suddenly, what I thought I was crying out for really got amplified. What's worse is that mountain just grew bigger and stronger. And will I be able to go down that road He wants me to without being resentful and angry if He parts the water? 

I have done much crying the last two days. At first I was angry. And sometimes satan creeps in and I feel condemnation, where old words I've spewed haunt me. 

The Lord is amazing. If He has not prepared me this last few weeks, I would not have been able to kick satan's tactic to the curb. My anger subsided quickly. I have no resentment. And most importantly, I have 'commit'. Truly, the situation is out of my control now. He knows my needs and the desires of my heart. I'm still sad, yes, but I've just been curling up at His feet, knowing that His love will comfort me. 

My wonderful sister in Christ reminded me that this is not the end. The doctor is only stating the facts. He does not know the truth. The Lord does. She doesn't have to remind me that the Lord can do anything He wants. We do not know the end. Look at Job, what happened in chapter 42? He got back everything and more. She reminded me that could be me. I laughed because that's what the pastor said too - in the end, Job got back everything and more. 

Believe me, I am no Job. His faithfulness knows no bounds. I am a work in progress. I am determined to walk His way when He parts the water. I am ready. But I am still afraid and still sad. As I continue to walk, I'm going to have to lean on Jesus, and spend many more days and nights at His feet. But Job's ending does give me encouragement and comfort that the Lord loves me and He has a better plan for me. 

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Amen.